“I FEEL LIKE NOBODY REALLY UNDERSTANDS ME AND I AM SO TIRED OF PLATITUDES AND ADAGES…YEAH RIGHT, THINK POSITIVE…”
John, an intelligent, hard-working, passionate man and personal coaching client quoted above, has been searching for answers to quandaries in his personal life and specifically within his personal and business relationships. He says that deep in his heart he has not been happy or fulfilled and feels angry as a result. Among other things, reading an enormous amount of literature and listening to notable speakers, friends and family share their wisdom on the betterment of life and specifically relationships, for him, has turned out to be more of a source of frustration and anger. He recognizes and is working on becoming more aware of what has specifically fueled his anger and how to take action to resolve it. In the process he has come to a “striking revelation” that what he frequently does, numerous times each day, is use sarcasm and make judgmental remarks about people in his life as well as himself. He has decided to make it his intention to curb the sarcasm and judgment – something he now notices does not help him become the person he is striving to be and does not evoke the communication he is searching for in his relationships.
John is not alone. Anger, frustration, overuse of sarcasm and judging, often go hand in hand. Taking action is a key to creating more awareness and change.
A few questions to think about:
What are sarcastic or judgmental remarks?
How is excessive use of sarcasm and making value judgments damaging or putting strain on your relationships?
How do you feel when someone says to you or you think to yourself - “You should have done it this way, but you know everything” Or “That was a really smart thing to do, now you’ve really screwed up!” or “I’m such a moron, I don’t deserve to be happy!”
How often do you make similar comments in your everyday thinking and conversations with others?
What, if anything, is driving you to make demeaning or negative remarks about events, other people or yourself?
In what specific ways can it benefit you to manage it?
How could you make your point without the use of sarcasm or unnecessary judgment?
How do you think managing these kinds of remarks can improve how you feel about yourself, how people perceive you and how you perceive and communicate with others?
How willing are you to notice how you speak to and think about both yourself and other people?
Who can help you answer these questions, take steps and make changes?
After giving theses questions some thought and if you are so inclined, give it a whirl and see what you get. Once you begin to manage the ‘S and J’s,’ it will be interesting to see what transformations take place day to day.
It may not be easy at first but the payoff will be well worth the effort.
